Mentorship Is a Two-Way Street: Being a Better Mentor and Mentee
Nov 04, 2026
By November, many firm mentoring programs have reached a quiet point. The pairings were announced during onboarding, the first lunch went well, and then year-end deadlines arrived. The meetings got pushed, then skipped, and now both people are privately wondering whether the other one is still interested.
Over my career, I have watched mentoring relationships thrive and fade, and the difference rarely came down to how senior or how talented either person was. It came down to whether both people treated the relationship as theirs to carry.
“It came down to whether both people treated the relationship as theirs to carry.”
Why mentoring stalls
Most mentoring programs are built as if knowledge flows in one direction, which puts the weight of the relationship on the person with the least available time. The mentee doesn’t want to be a burden, the mentor doesn’t want to push advice that wasn’t asked for, and each waits for the other to reach out.
J.B. Burtch, a Virginia lawyer and author of a mentoring guidebook for new lawyers, put it plainly in Virginia Lawyer: “Mentoring is not a one-way transfer of knowledge; it is a two-way street.” Senior lawyers, he notes, “can teach what they know, but they can also learn the advantages of the new lawyer’s approach.” Mentoring is most powerful when both mentors and mentees show up with intention, curiosity, and clarity.
Being a mentee worth investing in
| 1 | Own the logistics. Send the invite, propose the agenda, and reschedule promptly when a meeting gets bumped. |
| 2 | Bring a real question. “How do you decide when to push back on a partner’s edits?” gets you more than “Do you have any advice?” |
| 3 | Report back. Tell your mentor what you tried and how it went, so they know the last conversation mattered. |
| 4 | Offer something back. Share what you’re hearing from peers, a tool you’ve learned, or how newer lawyers see the work. |
Being a mentor worth having
| 1 | Show up when you said you would. A canceled meeting reads as “you’re not a priority,” so offer a new time in the same email. |
| 2 | Ask before you advise. “What would be most helpful today?” keeps the conversation on what your mentee needs. |
| 3 | Share the misses, not just the wins. How you recovered from a mistake builds more confidence than a polished success story. |
| 4 | Be willing to learn. Ask your mentee what they’re noticing and what they wish the firm did differently. |
For leaders and PD professionals
In the mentoring programs I have built, the pairs that thrive are the ones who never have to wonder what to talk about. A recurring monthly (or other cadence) meeting is the foundation, but it works best when the program hands both people a starting point.
Give each month a theme, such as “building a reputation,” “managing up,” “handling feedback,” “developing business relationships,” or “protecting your energy during a heavy season,” whatever feels relevant, useful, and timely. For each theme, offer three or four questions to choose from, possibly adding one short suggested activity, like mapping a mentee’s internal network or reviewing how a recent matter was staffed. Mentors and mentees should be able to open the meeting, pick a question, and be in a real conversation within five minutes. (And they might not need your helpful suggestions to get the ball rolling, but if they do, they will be grateful!)
Beyond themes, build in a few simple supports. Send a one-page kickoff guide to every pair that covers the first meeting agenda, ground rules on confidentiality and follow-up, and a reminder that mentees own the calendar. Share a list of questions for mentors to ask as well as questions for mentees, since both roles benefit from prompts. Add a midyear check-in so you can hear what is working and adjust, and close the year with a reflection where each person names one thing they learned from the other. When the structure handles the logistics, mentors and mentees can focus on the relationship.
One thing to try this week
If you’re a mentee, send your mentor one specific question and a proposed time to talk before Thanksgiving.
If you’re a mentor, send a short note to say you are thinking of your mentee, and ask what would be most helpful to talk about next.
A relationship that both people tend is one that lasts long after the program that started it.
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