What’s In Your Carry On? (And What’s Weighing You Down?)
Last week I traveled to a client’s office to give one of my favorite presentations: “From Self-Doubt to Self-Confidence in the Legal Profession: Imposter Syndrome in the Legal Profession.” I never tire of this topic. No matter the audience—whether new associates at orientation or seasoned partners at a retreat—I always see lawyers nodding, smiling, and sometimes sighing with relief when they realize they are not alone. The conversation is so real, vulnerable, and so very needed.
On my way home, I got the perfect metaphor (I love it when it works out that way!).
At the airport, I watched a fellow traveler lift a sleek little carry-on into the overhead bin with total ease. Meanwhile, I had to gate-check my bulging bag that refused to cooperate.
(Here’s a picture of me leaving my hotel room that morning—arms full like a pack mule with an overstuffed carry-on, a purse, a backpack, and a shoulder bag. Not exactly effortless travel.)
The Baggage We Carry
Travel bags tell stories. Some are tidy and intentional. Others—like mine this week—are crammed with “just in case” extras. The same thing happens in the legal profession. We carry more than we need—not in clothes, but in emotions:
- Old frustrations from the client pitch, case, or project that didn’t go the way we hoped
- Tension from the difficult interaction - whether it was opposing counsel in a deposition or a challenging colleague in a meeting
- Self-doubt from the time we stumbled over our words - in court, in a client presentation, in a meeting, or in front of firm leadership
- Defensive armor from every piece of criticism whether it came from a partner, a supervisor, or even anonymous survey feedback
We tell ourselves we might need these feelings to protect us next time. But in reality, they just weigh us down.
Emotional Intelligence = Smarter Packing
This is where emotional intelligence comes in. It’s your packing checklist—helping you decide what’s worth keeping and what you can finally leave behind.
Keep: The lesson you learned when a client chose another firm, like how to refine your pitch or presentation next time.
Leave: The resentment toward the client or competitor that only drains your energy and focus.
Keep: The knowledge that preparation and planning prevent most disasters.
Leave: The anxiety that makes you triple-check every detail at midnight when it’s already good to go.
Keep: The confidence you have earned through past wins — whether that’s delivering strong oral argument or launching a successful associate training program.
Leave: The fear that those successes were just luck and won’t happen again.
Keep: The insight that difficult feedback can sharpen your skills or systems.
Leave: The defensive sting of the words themselves that keeps replaying in your mind.
Keep: The awareness that colleagues rely on your leadership.
Leave: The pressure to prove yourself by saying yes to everything instead of prioritizing what truly matters.
Traveling Light
A well packed bag leaves space for souvenirs (or in my case, peanut snacks and gifts from the oldest peanut shop in Columbus, Ohio).
And a well-edited emotional load leaves space for growth, confidence, and the kind of presence that helps you thrive in your practice and in your life.
That’s the heart of what I love sharing in these presentations - helping lawyers and legal professionals see what they can put down so they can finally move forward lighter, freer, and more sure of themselves.
Because we all have plenty to carry. Let’s make sure it’s the stuff that truly matters.
Recommended Resources
[Article] Sense of Self: Why It’s Important and How to Develop It | Catherine Kolonko | Psych Central
[Article] The Unshakable Self: Building Identity on Being, Not Having | Ross Bruch | MAPP Magazine
[Video] What reality are you creating for yourself? | Issac Lidsky | TED Talk
