This Valentine’s Day, Don’t Forget About You! ♥️
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Valentine’s Day 2019 looked a little different than usual for me. My husband was in Tanzania on a service and learning trip for work, soaking up the sun, connecting with and learning from others, and enjoying a safari before he headed home.
I was home in Minnesota with the kids - right in the middle of a brutal polar vortex. It was the kind of cold where your eyelashes freeze the second you step outside (I wish I were kidding).
I could have spent the evening scrolling through social media, comparing my snow-covered reality to tropical vacation photos and candlelit dinners, or even my husband’s pictures of the zebras, elephants, and lions he saw on the African tundra that day. I could have let the day pass with just another night of making sure the kids were fed, the dishes were done, and the emails were answered.
But instead, I made a different choice.
Once the kids were asleep, I paused and asked myself, “What do I need right now?”
The answer? A little joy. A little kindness - from me, to me.
With my husband gone for two weeks in the middle of the coldest air temps in decades and school cancelled for several days, I really felt I deserved a little TLC - even if I was just giving it to myself.
So, I turned off my laptop, ordered my favorite takeout (something I love but my husband doesn’t), and curled up with a cozy blanket and a movie I’d been meaning to watch. No multitasking. No guilt. Just me, choosing me.
That night, I remembered something important: self-love isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. It’s not about waiting for someone else to recognize your worth—it’s about recognizing it for yourself.
And the best part? It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. It can be as simple as speaking to yourself with kindness, choosing rest when you need it, or treating yourself with the same care you so easily offer others.
A New Way to Look at Valentine’s Day
Valentine's Day often emphasizes romantic love, but it's also a perfect opportunity to focus on yourself. Embracing self-love not only enhances your relationship with yourself but also enriches your connections with others, and I think it’s the perfect opportunity to grow in every aspect of your life. This Valentine's Day, take the time to nurture your own well-being.
Remember, nurturing yourself is not a luxury, but a professional imperative. Take time to appreciate your unique qualities, practice self-compassion, and engage in activities that bring you joy. By prioritizing your well-being, you not only enrich your own life but also enhance your capacity to connect authentically with others. Celebrate yourself today and every day.
For lawyers and legal professionals especially, it's about viewing yourself with unconditional positive regard and extending the same kindness and acceptance to yourself that you offer to clients and others. In essence, it's love turned inward.
This, in practice, isn’t just a feeling. It’s a practical stepping stone to confidence and comfort.
How to Practice Self-Love (Without Feeling Guilty):
- Find Joy in the Little Things: Even on tough days, there’s usually something to smile about. Maybe it’s a cozy blanket, a favorite song, or a walk in nature. Finding those small moments of joy makes it easier to navigate life’s challenges.
Example: “Today was hard, but I’m grateful for the sunset I got to see.”
- Ask, “What Do I Need Right Now?” Assumptions about what you “should” do fuel burnout. Instead of pushing through, ask yourself: “What do I need right now?”
Example: Instead of saying, “I have to keep working,” try: “Would a 10-minute break help me recharge?” It invites self-care instead of self-neglect.
- Write a Self-Love Letter: Take a moment to write a letter to yourself, acknowledging your strengths and expressing gratitude for your journey. I can feel some of you rolling your eyes, but I swear this exercise can remind us about all of the things that we appreciate about ourselves instead of being our own worst critic (like we usually are!). This exercise helps with positive self-perception, a key component of emotional intelligence. Talking out loud to yourself also works!
- Speak Kindly to Yourself: Would you speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself? Often, when taking time to recharge, we criticize ourselves with thoughts of what we "should" be doing instead.
- Reflect on whether your speech benefits your mental, emotional, or physical well-being. If it does, continue without guilt.
- Consider replacing "should" with "could" or “choose to” and prioritize your genuine needs. This can help you turn to the next step:
- Find Your Self-love Language: Inspired by Gary Chapman's five love languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch), you can apply these concepts inwardly. (My husband and I both read this book and identified our “love languages”. It was very telling. Mine is “acts of service.” If you know yours, hit “reply” and let me know - I’d love to hear!)
What Self-Love Has to Do With Emotional Resilience
Most of us have been in situations where we feel drained, undervalued, or just plain stuck. That’s where self-love comes in.
At its core, self-love is about treating yourself with the same compassion and care you’d offer a dear friend. It’s not about being self-absorbed; it’s about being self-aware.
Here’s how self-love transforms us from an emotional intelligence standpoint:
Self-awareness: Recognizing when you’re being too hard on yourself.
Self-compassion: Offering yourself grace instead of guilt.
Empathy for yourself (which leads to empathy for others): Understanding your own needs and boundaries.
Resilience: Building the emotional strength to bounce back from setbacks.
Self-love is a skill, one that makes us better partners, friends, professionals, and humans. And like any skill, it gets stronger with practice.
So, the next time you find yourself scrolling through picture-perfect Valentine’s posts or feeling the weight of comparison, try leading with self-compassion instead of self-criticism. You might be surprised at how much lighter - and even joyful - life becomes.
Recommended Resources
[Article] How I Found Authentic Self-Love | Psychology Today | Karena Klicoyne
[Article] The science of self-love: the evidence-based benefits of loving yourself | Ness Labs | Dr. Andleeb Asghar
[Video] The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion | Kristin Neff | TED
[Book] Give Yourself a Break: The Power of Self-Compassion | Serena Chen | Harvard Business Review
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