Fireworks and Feelings: A Personal Story to Light Up Your Emotional Intelligence!

I hope you're all enjoying the summer as much as we are in my family! 

I’m at the Professional Development Consortium (PDC) conference in San Diego, but I wanted to pop into your inbox and share a personal story from our family’s Fourth of July celebrations last week that offered a beautiful lesson in emotional regulation (a foundational piece of emotional intelligence) - something we can all relate to and use in our busy lives as legal professionals.

Every year, my family and I have a tradition of watching fireworks from our pontoon on the lake at our cabin (a very Minnesotan thing to do!). This year was perfect - all five of us together with my husband’s father, cooler weather, and (almost) no mosquitos - a small miracle. 

As we all sat together, mesmerized by the colorful explosions in the sky, my young adult son, who has autism and often finds emotional regulation challenging, said something that took my breath away.

Out of nowhere, he turned to me and said, "When people get mad, they should watch fireworks to calm down. Because nothing beats fireworks."

I can’t tell you how much his words were a huge step in his emotional awareness, and they struck me so deeply. 

HIs words also reminded me how true it is for all of us. Sometimes, the simplest things can help us find calm amidst chaos.

What is Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Regulation?

Emotional intelligence is all about understanding and managing our own emotions, as well as being in tune with the emotions of others. It includes skills like empathy, self-awareness, and effective communication.

Emotional regulation, on the other hand, is a crucial part of emotional intelligence. It’s about how we handle our emotions, especially when we’re under stress. For us lawyers and legal professionals, learning to manage our emotions is key. The pressures of our job can often lead to stress, and how we deal with our emotions can greatly affect our work and relationships.

Practical Tips for Emotional Regulation

Here are some simple, practical tips for practicing emotional regulation that I also share in my training sessions:

• Mindful Breathing: Taking a few deep breaths can help you center yourself in stressful moments. It’s amazing how just a minute of mindful breathing can make a big difference as it literally calms your brain, gets it out of “fight or flight”, and reactivates the executive functioning centers of your brain.
• Pause and Reflect: Before reacting to a challenging situation, take a moment to pause and think, even if you have to take a break from the situation to collect yourself and your thoughts. This helps you respond more intentionally rather than impulsively. As the wise Viktor Frankl said: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
• Identify Triggers: Be aware of what situations or behaviors trigger strong emotional reactions in you. Knowing these can help you prepare and respond better. When you know you might be encountering one of these situations or triggers, you can prep yourself so that your emotions aren’t caught off-guard and you can plan ahead for how you will respond in thought, word, and action.
• Develop a Coping Strategy: Find what helps you decompress—whether it’s taking a walk, practicing yoga, or, like my son suggested, watching something calming like fireworks. (My son found this video and shared it with me - a few minutes of watching this and taking a few deep breaths might help you regulate yourself and help you have a healthier, more productive response.)
• Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to talk to a colleague, mentor, or therapist. Many times sharing your feelings with someone else can provide much-needed clarity and relief. Just verbally identifying and expressing what you are feeling can “pop the balloon” of the feeling quite a bit and take the strong emotional charge out of the situation.

How Emotional Regulation Helps in Our Profession

In our legal world, being able to regulate emotions can improve client interactions, enhance interpersonal communications, and create a more positive, caring work environment. For example, staying composed during a heated negotiation can help you think clearly and advocate more effectively for your client. Similarly, being mindful of your emotions when dealing with challenging (yet critical conversations) with your colleagues can prevent conflicts and lead to better outcomes.

Emotional regulation isn’t just a personal skill; it’s a professional superpower. As lawyers and legal professionals, mastering this can enhance your professional work, your relationships, and your well-being. 

Remember, sometimes it’s the simple, beautiful moments - like watching fireworks and feeling our minds and bodies relax and “come back online” a bit - that remind us of the importance of managing our emotions.

Thank you for being part of this journey toward greater emotional intelligence and well-being in the legal profession! When you practice emotional regulation skills, you’re modeling them for others around you and starting a ripple effect on your team and in your organization.