How to not let your work define you

I hope your first couple of weeks of summer are off to a great start and that you are settling into your summer routine.

Do you have a summer routine? Does it look a little different than your “usual” routine - either by necessity (kids off for the summer) or design (just wanting a little extra breathing room to enjoy the summer)?

This last week, I’ve talked with a number of clients and friends about what they want their summer routine to look like. Most of them wanted to create a little space and time to get outside, enjoy the weather, and delight in the longer days and summer events (like farmers markets and outdoor concerts.)

But for some of them, something was stopping them. 

They didn’t know if they could do it - change their routine. Or they mentioned that even when they try to leave the office a little earlier or go “device-free” for a couple of hours in the evening or weekend, they feel guilty.

I recently saw a quote by Adam Grant (one of my favorite contemporary authors and thinkers) that said:

“Your work does not define your worth. A career is what you do - it doesn’t have to reflect who you are. Making a job part of your identity is an option, not an obligation.”

Similarly, in his article, “You Are Not Your Work,” my friend, Jeffrey Davis, said:

“When you are told, again and again, that you are your work, you start to believe it. The trap in workism is associating your full identity and self-worth with your work, occupation, or job. You are not your work. Your work is simply a part of you.”

For some of us, we over-identify with our work. We think we are our work. 

When we meet other people, we immediately ask “What do you do for a living?” as an introductory question. 

When someone asks us about ourselves, the first thing we say is “I am a _______” (fill in the blank with your occupation).

Psychologists call this “enmeshment”: when “the boundaries between people become blurred, and individual identities lose importance. Enmeshment prevents the development of a stable, independent sense of self.” (I highly recommend checking out this linked article, especially since the examples given are  lawyers.)

I’ve heard that in some other countries, work is just a part of people’s lives. It pays the bills. It provides financial security. It gives people something to do or think about. But it isn’t who they are.

I found this article fascinating: “11 American work habits other countries avoid at all costs”. Are you guilty of any of these?

Americans are more likely to:

• Work crazy long hours

• Hardly ever go on vacation

• Barely take any family leave

• Tend to eat at their desks

• Seldom take breaks during the day

• Send emails after work hours

• Don't socialize with their coworkers enough

• Don't always take pride in their jobs

• Are less satisfied with their jobs

• Are afraid to challenge their bosses

• And American bosses are obsessed with staying in the loop

This summer, take a moment to remember you aren’t your work. Yes, of course, you want to do good work, fulfill and exceed expectations, and all of that. But you are also a “human being” - not a “human doing.” 

So take time to “be.” Enjoy some time in the hammock or walking along the waterfront. Let some ice cream drip down your chin. Throw water balloons. Eat lunch outside. 

Mix some humanness into your days. Un-enmesh yourself from your work identity and remember that you are so much more than your title, your occupation, your billable hours, or your originations.

And maybe you’ll end up realizing that those bursts of “being” rather than “doing” actually help you do your work better and feel a bit more ease, well-being, and peace.

Let me know how it goes, and enjoy the summer months - they go too fast!