My high school reunion taught me an important emotional intelligence lesson

Greetings from Franklin Grove, IL (population about 900)! 

I'm currently here for my 30th high school reunion, and I can’t wait to see my classmates tomorrow for a BBQ get-together and bonfire (thank heavens it’s a bit cooler than it has been - 78 and sunny will be perfect!). 

I grew up in this small town, and my parents have lived in the same house by the railroad tracks since I was born. My grandmother still lives here, too, and I get here from Minnesota several times a year.

With a graduating class size of 31, having about 15 of us gathering tomorrow is a fantastic turnout - almost 50%! The experience of helping to plan the reunion and anticipating seeing classmates from so long ago has me reflecting on how we are remembered by others and what truly leaves a lasting impression. How do they remember me? (Not just as the dorky captain of the academic bowl team and the French horn player, but as a person and friend.)

Visiting my hometown! 

Maya Angelou once said, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." This powerful quote resonates deeply with me as I consider the impact of emotional intelligence (EQ) on our relationships and legacy.

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the ability to understand, use, and manage our emotions positively. This skill helps in communicating effectively, empathizing with others, overcoming challenges, and defusing conflict. Here’s a closer look at EQ and how it relates to being remembered:

What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?

Here’s a quick primer on EQ which has four key components:

Self-Awareness: Recognizing and understanding your own emotions.

Self-Regulation: Managing your emotions in a healthy way.

Empathy (Other awareness): Understanding the feelings of others.

Relationship Management and Social Skills: Managing relationships to move people in desired directions.

Emotional intelligence isn't just a buzzword; it's a vital skill set that profoundly shapes how we interact with others and how they perceive us. In our fast-paced, high-pressure profession, EQ can be the differentiator that enhances our effectiveness and leaves a lasting, positive impact. 

How EQ Impacts Relationships and Legacy

Here’s how these foundational elements of emotional intelligence play out in the real world and why they matter so much.

Building Strong Connections: High EQ enables us to build stronger, more meaningful connections. People remember how you made them feel, and those with high EQ tend to make others feel valued and understood.

Fostering Team Cohesion: In the workplace, EQ fosters a collaborative environment. Teams with high emotional intelligence have better cohesion and cooperation.

Creating Psychological Safety: High EQ contributes to a safe environment where team members feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of negative consequences. This safety is crucial for innovation and job satisfaction.

Reducing Attrition and Improving Retention: Organizations that emphasize emotional intelligence see lower turnover rates. Employees are more likely to stay when they feel valued and understood.

Effective Leadership: Leaders with high EQ are better at managing teams, resolving conflicts, and inspiring others. They leave a lasting impact on their teams and organizations.

Reflecting on my high school years, I hope my classmates remember me as someone who made them feel valued and understood. I hope I’m remembered as being kind and inclusive. 

This is the essence of emotional intelligence—creating meaningful connections that leave a lasting positive impact. 

Putting It Into Practice

Here are five key practical takeaways to enhance your EQ and positively influence how others think of you and remember you:

Practice Active Listening: Show genuine interest in what others are saying without interrupting. This builds trust and demonstrates that you value their perspectives. For lawyers and legal professionals, this means truly listening to clients' concerns and colleagues' ideas, ensuring everyone feels heard and respected.

Cultivate Empathy: Try to understand situations from others' viewpoints. Empathy helps in building deeper connections and resolving conflicts more effectively. In a legal setting, this could involve understanding the emotional state of a stressed client or a colleague facing a challenging case and offering support and compassion.

Manage Your Emotions: Stay aware of your emotions and how they influence your reactions. Learning to regulate your emotions can help you respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. For example, maintaining composure during a heated courtroom argument, a difficult conversation, or a tense negotiation can set a positive tone and influence the outcome favorably while allowing you to be remembered in a positive way for how you handled yourself.

Provide Constructive Feedback: Deliver feedback in a way that is both honest and supportive. Instead of just pointing out mistakes, offer solutions and encouragement. This approach helps build trust and motivates your team. For instance, when mentoring junior associates or others on your team, focus on their strengths and guide them on how to improve areas of weakness constructively.

Lead by Example: Demonstrate the behaviors you want to see in others. Show resilience, integrity, and kindness in your daily interactions. As a leader in a legal firm (whatever your role), your actions set the standard for the entire team. By consistently exhibiting high EQ, you create a culture of respect and understanding.

In the legal profession, where high-stress environments and situations are all-to-common, EQ can make a huge difference in team dynamics and client relationships. By developing our emotional intelligence, we can create a legacy of positivity and respect which can ensure that we are remembered not just for our professional achievements but for the way we made others feel.

Let’s all harness the power of EQ to build stronger, more empathetic connections with those around us, leaving a lasting, positive legacy in our legal organizations and beyond!

(And I’ll let you know how the reunion goes!) ♥️