No pain, no gain - but not the way you think
I hope you had a wonderful Memorial Day weekend!
If you have kids and they are out of school, I hope your summer is off to a great start. I know (from years of personal experience) that this can be a particularly crazy time of year, and I hope that you are walking through it as gracefully as possible.
I was thinking of you this week after meeting with my trainer, Xavier Robinson. Many of you met Xavier when he was the guest expert on the EsquireWell Masterclass recently.
(If you are an EsquireWell Academy member, you can find the recording in the “Recording Library.” You’ll get to learn about the importance of strength training for mental and physical health, as well as watch Xavier walk me through an abbreviated version of our workouts so you can do the same moves at home.)
I work with Xavier at least once a week. We do a 30-minute strength training session using just my body weight, but we work to muscle fatigue so it’s a very efficient workout.
But it’s also intense - very intense.
And it’s uncomfortable - very uncomfortable.
If it weren’t for Xavier nudging me forward and cheering me on, I would definitely quit on myself long before I quit when he’s there holding me accountable.
In one of our recent workouts, I was groaning and complaining as I was nearing the end of a set of exercises and my muscles were simply kaput. I just didn’t think I could do three more reps.
Then Xavier said, “Don’t see discomfort as a sign of failure or that something is wrong.”
“Discomfort means it’s actually working.”
Whoa. Hold the phone. Drop the mic.
How many times do we bump up against the edge of our comfort zone and when we start feeling discomfort, we stop and see it as a sign that something is wrong, broken, or that we have failed or don’t have the capacity to do something?
Our “fixed mindset” gets in the way (rather than having a “growth mindset” that we can keep learning and growing all the time.) (Check out Carol Dweck’s amazing video on this topic if you aren’t familiar with it.)
Or we think we have “imposter syndrome” when really all that’s happening is we are leaving our comfort zone, and that will always, always bring up feelings of self-doubt and insecurity.
But on the other side of that discomfort (the “fear zone”) we find our learning and growth zones. (See the diagram below.)
Xavier never pushes me to push through pain that’s indicating that something is actually wrong. Of course not. We stop right away if something is truly wrong or there is a risk of injury.
But his reminder to me was powerful - that it’s actually when discomfort is acute that we are growing, be it our muscles or our minds.
Our muscles don’t grow unless we push them through a bit of discomfort.
And the same goes for our minds, our confidence, and our capabilities.
So don’t give up on yourself at the first sign of discomfort. It doesn’t mean that anything is wrong. You can choose to think a thought that “discomfort is bad and should be avoided” (which will lead to stagnancy and boredom) or you can choose to think a thought that “discomfort is a sign that I’m learning and growing” (pure, beautiful growth mindset that will move you closer to making your aspirations a reality.)
In fact, it means that you are learning, growing, moving to the next level - it’s working (whatever “it” is.) Don’t back away from the discomfort - embrace it as a sign that you are on the right path.
Stretching outside that cozy, familiar comfort zone isn’t easy, but it is necessary for any kind of real growth.
Wishing you just enough discomfort to push you closer to reaching your goals, and always cheering you on toward your goals,
Send me a note and let me know. We can support each other on this journey!
