Saying “no” to the good to pursue the great

How are we in the last few days of May? Is it just me, or has May simply flown by?

May is always a full month - I’ve learned that over many years, but I usually forget until it sneaks up on me. So when I find myself more overwhelmed than usual this time of year, I have to remind myself that May (and December) are always busier than I expect with family and work events so not to be surprised when it happens.

And it’s been true this May as well.

Multiple out-of-town speaking engagements.

Well-Being Week in Law (always a busy one for well-being speakers/consultants like me.)

Prom for my two juniors in high school.

Family visiting from out of town.

Welcoming new clients.

Taking good care of existing clients.

And on and on.

You know how it goes.

So I have promised myself “constraint” following Memorial Day. What does that mean? 

“Constraint”  - thinking “less” instead of “more” - is something I’ve been working on for awhile, but it’s always my Achilles’ heel.

I say yes to just about everything.

I want to help. I want to serve. I don’t want to let anyone down.

I’ve always been this way, but over the years I have found that it doesn’t serve me. 

I need to check my motivation for saying “yes” to everything. Of course, I want to serve and help others, but am I also (in a very psychologically sneaky way) looking for others to like me, to be happy with me, to accept me - and I think I get that by helping, serving, and saying “yes”?

Do I want to make everyone happy, even at the expense of my own happiness, priorities, and boundaries?

Am I fearful - suffering from FOMO (fear of missing out)? 

Am I worried that opportunities will never come around again? 

Am I trying to prove myself, my value, my capability, and/or my worth?

Am I “buffering with busyness” - staying so busy that I never have time to look deep inside and grapple with what might be causing me pain, angst, or worry? 

If you say “yes” to everything, if you struggle to “constrain”, if you are a “people pleaser”, if you collect commitments - ask yourself “why.”

What’s your motivation for taking on too much? 

What hole are you filling in your heart? 

For me, I’ve decided to try to start breaking up with “too much.” I’m going to spend time between Memorial Day and Labor Day intentionally constraining, simplifying, and being more intentional when it comes to: 

• My work and business (being intentional about the clients and projects I take on, the kind of work I do, what I’m creating, and the committees, extra-curriculars, and outside meetings I commit to - so I can be more productive by doing less) (and as I tell my clients - thinking about what I can do now, defer/schedule, delegate, or delete) 

• My home (doing some serious purging, decluttering, and streamlining so that I can experience peace and simplicity in my physical surroundings - which I know research shows will reduce my stress)

• My health and body (limiting foods that I know don’t agree with my body and health, moving more, eliminating bad physical habits and “streamlining” some pounds that have crept on while I was too busy to be more diligent around healthy eating and movement)

Where can you constrain? Where can you simplify?

I love this quote about minimalism by Joshua Becker, who I have mentioned before: “Minimalism is the intentional promotion of the things we most value and the removal of anything that distracts us from it.”

What can you remove from your work or life that distracts you from what you value most? 

Send me a note and let me know (just reply to this email). We can support each other on this journey!

Wishing you everything that brings you joy (without the distraction of anything that doesn’t).