What story are you telling yourself? Make it a good one!

There was a recurring theme in my coaching sessions this week - my clients were telling themselves all sorts of stories.

What do I mean?

They were bringing situations to our coaching calls that were troubling them. When we dug in, many times they were contributing to or even creating their own drama and challenges.

How?

By telling themselves stories.

When things happened, instead of looking at the facts of the situation neutrally, they immediately loaded up the circumstance with stories, things like:

"The partner's constructive feedback really meant that the partner thinks I'm stupid."

"She didn't invite me to lunch because she doesn't like me."

"When I don't know the answer off the top of my head, it means I'm incompetent."

"When I hired a babysitter this weekend to watch my kids, it meant I'm a bad mom because I should have been with them and not working."

And on and on.

So many stories. Stories that weren't helpful and generally weren't even true. But focusing on those stories caused my clients emotional pain, angst, worry, heartache, sadness, and a whole host of other unproductive and unpleasant feelings.

Acclaimed novelist and journalist, Joan Didion, once said, “We tell ourselves stories in order to live.” 

But those stories aren't always helpful or accurate. This week, catch yourself when you are telling yourself stories. Get curious about your thoughts. You're a smart person, and your brain will be quick to tell you stories that sound plausible, but that hurt you instead of helping you.

What if you could tell yourself:

"The partner's constructive feedback means he cares about my growth."

"The fact that she didn't invite me to lunch because she knew I was swamped with a project, and she didn't want me to feel compelled to join her."

"When I don't know the answer off the top of my head, it means I'm human and I'm still learning."

"When I hired a babysitter this weekend, it means I'm a good mom who makes sure her kids are having fun while still getting a pressing matter completed."

Catch yourself making up stories, pause, and consider what other, healthier, more productive, and more useful stories you could tell yourself. You've got this!