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The Praise You Give Matters More Than You Think

At the NALP Professional Development Institute (PDI) conference in Washington DC, I found myself in that familiar conference headspace - energized by the conversations and learning (big geek here), a little overstimulated by the pace and all the wonderful people I wanted to talk to (also closet introvert here!), and quietly wondering whether the work I do behind the scenes actually reaches people in the way I hope it does.

I was grabbing coffee between sessions when someone stopped me and said, “I just need you to know how much I appreciate your newsletter. I always read it and pass it along to others. I love it!”

And then another person stopped me and shared, “I’m an ‘inbox zero person’, but I always leave your newsletter in my inbox until I read it.” Then this amazing person even gave me the most beautiful journal based on a newsletter article I wrote months ago focused on gardening - such an amazing, thoughtful gift!

Tiny moments. Just a couple of minutes each.

But those interactions and that positive feedback filled my cup in a way I didn’t realize I needed. Those little pieces of reinforcement carried more weight than the givers probably knew.

Quick comments - 10 or 15 seconds in passing.

But they landed. They mattered.

And honestly, they keep me going.

It reminded me of something I teach all the time but sometimes forget to fully receive myself:

When we highlight what's working, we create more of it.

I can’t help but think of my sweet dog, Sadie (and you can think of your own pets, too.) There’s a reason we give dogs treats to train them - it’s positive reinforcement. It’s a simple way of saying “Good job - do that again next time!”

A few words of positive feedback to others does the exact same thing!

We often focus on what’s wrong or needs improvement, but research in psychology and organizational behavior shows that people do more of what is positively reinforced. When we tell someone what’s working specifically, we reinforce behaviors, encourage growth, and build confidence.

Feedback isn’t only for correcting mistakes. It creates connection. It says, “I see you. Your work matters. That worked. Do more of it!”

In leadership, in law, in business, and in life, we often underestimate how much these tiny exchanges sustain us. Not the formal annual review or the 360 report, but the informal, honest, human feedback:

✨ “This resonated with me. Thanks for making that important point.”
✨ “The way you handled that was really helpful.”
✨ “This could be stronger, and I know you’re capable of it.”
✨ “Keep going! You’re making an impact!”

These micro-moments build confidence, strengthen trust, and sustain us during challenging weeks.

Constructive feedback also matters - it signals belief in someone’s capacity to grow - but positive reinforcement is a powerful motivator that often gets overlooked because many of us were raised - personally and professionally - in shame-based systems that thought praise was “soft” and that only criticism improved things.

But we need both positive feedback and constructive, corrective feedback to learn and grow fully.

You get more of what you positively reinforce and less of what you correct - so you need both.

And remember to receive (not deflect) positive feedback with openness, instead of brushing it off. Use it as a reminder of what’s working and what you can do more of, and take it as validation of your skill, effort, contributions, and value to your team.

This week, I invite you to:

Give one piece of meaningful positive feedback to someone on your team or in your circle. One sentence is enough. Tell them what’s working. (You’ll likely get more of it!)
Notice how you react to positive feedback: do you shrink, defend, or stay curious?
Practice receiving appreciation without minimizing it. Let it land. Let it count. Let it reinforce what’s working.

Here’s to the tiny words that keep us going and to offering them more freely, generously, and courageously!